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https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599659299089-SG7H05ZUNVBF6P570XKA/kimberA85A7661s.jpg "I recognise your eyes". On a hot day in late spring, London’s University College Hospital is taking a deep breath. It is struggling through Covid-19 and is hastily taking stock, learning lessons from its successes and also counting its dead – those it could not save, both patients and staff. Like all hospitals, it is also bracing itself for the next big onslaught. The diverse collection of professionals that make up its staff is buoyed by the public’s response, still running on adrenaline, but now also in a reflective mood. Dealing with Covid-19 has left some professionally invigorated and inspired. But, for others, working alongside constant death for weeks on end has been a deeply troubling experience. As one staff nurse said to me while having her photograph taken, “I still see the dead.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599659796693-FM6XKJIUIWK9WFWVRPLQ/chuA85A7613s.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Natasha Chu, Physiotherapist. “Humbled, exhausted-but fulfilled.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599659822046-LU2YB8VZ6FKNP7LJCI2V/griffithsA85A7217s.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Adam Cureton-Griffiths, staff nurse “The pandemic has been tough – for the hospital and, of course, for our patients and their families – but, in some ways, it’s also been exciting and rewarding. All my career, I’ve rarely seen such leaps in medical care, particularly when it comes to treating people online – or ‘telemedicine’, as we call it.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599658554137-ALQL5W7MNP0UVC1T6KP7/kimberA85A7661s_copy.jpg "I recognise your eyes". https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599659900626-I8OZ6FFCK6LO5YOZES77/boultA85A7514.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Chera-fay Boult, nurse “It is hard not to be able to be close to patients. We only have our eyes.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599659926803-5T6N2UARFBM7S9O26S0U/burtonA85A6245s.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - James Burton, porter who suffers from asthma “I said no to staying at home. I’m feeling good helping those that need it.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599659946866-LTTBLOXCCG8BL30WKZN1/postigoA85A7590s.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Kat Postigo, physiotherapist “Small things are important. A patient said, while looking at me in my PPE, ‘I recognise your eyes’.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599743610802-O6E9T34X8P6OLDTXC6TC/astinA85A7487.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Rónan Astin, consultant in respiratory and ventilation medicine, who helped set up a high dependency unit for Covid-19 patients “A phone call on Friday afternoon, and, nine days later, the unit was up and running. A universe away from our previous work.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599745991778-IWYN3O5WNVWY25PK9B1O/charlesA85A6996s.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Robyn Charles, staff nurse “One Covid-19 patient stays in my mind. I was able to care for and stay with her until she died. She was 68 and we were her family. Helping her husband was so hard. This has made me more resilient but, at the same time, more compassionate to my ‘patient family’. Britain seems more compassionate. Oh, and I love The Clap!” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599743747068-9AMN3TBBH4Z2UVYL69ER/contehA85A7158.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Admira Conteh, administrator “Enjoy every day. Life is nothing; it can end so easily. Be kind and generous.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599743793589-CI9SO0UWL6NMTX326OCR/downerA85A6279.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Sandra Downer, nursing assistant “I feel emotional about my patients. I am strong at hiding my feelings from colleagues and family, but sometimes in the shower, at home, that’s when I cry. In normal times, I like doing patients’ hair, helping them shower, cutting their nails. Because of Covid-19 this wasn’t possible. But I tried to keep them comfortable, to moisturise their skin, to cry with them and to give their hand a little squeeze. I know I did the best I could for them all.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599745105095-928RVH7W5VUY6BSSJA4Z/kimberA85A7665.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Rebecca Kimber, highly specialist speech and language therapist “Many patients have had tracheotomies. I give them a voice, a means to communicate. On waking from sedation, we asked one patient what he would like to drink first and he whispered, ‘organic, M&S lemonade, please’. Always sticks in my mind.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599744339582-NV0KFHZFFBSJVTN77S9C/endnaligA85A7846.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Josie Ednalig, caterer “I can’t sleep. What if I catch it and bring it home? [My family] say ‘don’t go,’ but I have to go. We argue, and I am in tears on the bus. My best friend died of Covid-19 in three days.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599744357652-D79A1N1XF4RQDABLAP9K/forrestA85A7828.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Lisa Forrest, deputy sister “We found that many of our Covid-19 patients deteriorated faster than we could keep up with, and this was before we necessarily understood just how quickly the disease could affect them. I distinctly remember one woman who looked terrified, and it’s because she knew she was about to die. What still upsets me is how little time we had to make her comfortable.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599745151178-608ANRBWZN3VQH1W9JSW/mbujenziA85A7394.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Winnie Mbujenzi, senior nursing assistant “So happy to see people going home.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599744377396-5A3AGSS6KPZ72GQH260L/garciaA85A7315.jpg "I recognise your eyes". https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599745010374-Y5A5Y4Y6O9GLPF0S2FPC/henryA85A7059.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Martelle Henry, nurse educator “When you are able to make a human corridor of applause for a patient who was supposed to die, it is something special. As one walked out, I couldn’t help thinking, ‘has her son put the dinner on?’” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599744993713-GGALU87XS7C3GEWLOXU7/hasfordA85A7760.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Christian Hasford, consultant physician “I’m no hero. I’m someone who’s lucky enough to work in the best profession there is for me.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599745028093-YTK3125EI6J4DOO253LZ/imanA85A6288.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Ister Iman, senior staff nurse “I lost a friend and a family member to Covid-19. It is heavy, but you have to keep going. I wouldn’t do anything else.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599745053391-NXWZGC31621XE0LG723Y/izzy+brownA85A7576.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Izzy Brown, oncology research nurse redeployed to a Covid-19 ward “Just now, my patient walked out of critical care to his physio. I was with his daughter; we watched him walk and his face turned to us – a great moment.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599745131297-MQSMAOHOGVTZ52WNNYCQ/lomasA85A7345.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Professor David Lomas, head of the UCL Medical School and UCLH consultant “At the start of the pandemic, UCL took the decision to release all their clinical staff from academic and research responsibilities, in order to staff hospitals. This is all about teamwork, putting others first and doing the right thing. It is a vocation.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599745211223-PH3O2SPY98JU15I0NXY1/mouldingA85A7413.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Samuel Moulding, junior doctor “In our PPE, we must have looked like aliens to our patients. That was tough.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599745236101-L2FZ8DQ97CFLIFD2ZXDQ/neekinA85A7230.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Dr Jane Neerkin, palliative care consultant “People are dying with no build up to death, no ability to have conversations and to say goodbye when they go into critical care. Even as a hardened professional, this has been difficult.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599748862740-M5K7DS7F1DI0RBVJKP8L/mariellaA85A6013.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Arianna Mariella, senior staff nurse “Fear, uncertainty, teamwork and collaboration.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599745271183-E7IG1UGJ90J6VMU4PNGT/panel-coatesA85A8137.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Flo Panel-Coates, chief nurse “I led the strategic incident management meetings, so I was painfully aware of the impact the virus was having on our patients, their families and our staff. But seeing the impact close up was very different. When I went to the wards to check in on our staff, I felt it – the temperature, the anxiety and the sights. Some patients were nursed in a prone position, face down to help their breathing. The inability to see their faces affected me greatly. I was angry with this virus, and could feel the weight of the concern and loss we bore on behalf of their families who were absent.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599745287646-JKAVKWOUQSV0A4PYMGNR/polenioA85A7436.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Nito Polenio, cardiac nurse practitioner “On my first shift in critical care, I looked after a patient whose wife was with him. Afterwards, when she took off her PPE, my hair stood on end – I recognised her as the wife of a dear friend from years ago who was now lying in the ward we had just left. Holding on to my emotions until I got home, I couldn’t stop crying.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599745305330-E9AKGG26229162QBKOGP/quinonA85A6875.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Francis Quinon, deputy clinical operations manager “In all my years of nursing, I have never felt so scared. There were parallel feelings of fear and duty. But I was so glad to be in the NHS for this experience. And to be among the fantastic medical minds at UCLH.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599745328144-0DCPGE4MAHLUCWTWI6ZR/santosA85A7913.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Ivan Santos, staff nurse “I am asthmatic and, walking in on the first day, I was so scared. I am more confident now.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599745373143-QRRYJC1DJRNCQIR01V03/SerwaahA85A5813.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Patricia Serwaah,cleaner “I am scared, but I try to keep on working.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599745397735-0WEIAEUXW1M2E6BDKEPQ/silwalA85A6527.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Su Silwal, trainee nursing associate “Now it is calmer, but when I walk through the wards I still see the faces of the patients from the peak. Some made it; others didn’t. I have flashbacks.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599748798932-6W0K9P78IDTLSBZP9CLP/cantyA85A7526.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Sophie Canty, oncology nurse redeployed to a Covid-19 ward “I am humbled. No matter who you are, you are affected by this disease. I am missing my cancer patients.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599745413352-PV9UDHP8QF58ZEWWLGLN/smithA85A6354.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Anthony Smith, patient support assistant “This is busy, demanding and you have to be on the ball. But seeing a patient who you thought was in trouble walk out of the ward, that gives you great pride.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599746258140-I7WAU0KDULQIFCR7RDXO/tabonA85A7750.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Estela Tabon, cleaner “It’s been hard, but we have all worked hard together.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599746766782-F0A8TTTSQG5IFYCIQTNL/franceA85A5831.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Nadine France, cleaner “I was so stressed to begin with. Now, I’m ok. It’s good to be appreciated.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599747141731-WHUA36M2UJIL6U8523IL/evansA85A7375.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Sarah Evans, deputy divisional manager “Things that would normally take five years have been done overnight. All staff have shown such innovation.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599747600703-10I72XJ9IDWZQAFBPRSK/edo-ukehA85A6000.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Beverley Edo-Ukeh, staff nurse “15 months ago, I was a teacher. It’s tough now, but I’m so glad I changed.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599747663611-ZPHRG1TRWGC0SD9CM9VW/kingA85A7110.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Esther King, clinical nurse specialist “The public reaction to the NHS was amazing. Sometimes you forget, and we needed that pat on the back. I want this to have a legacy.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599747750746-AYLXDGODRNJR7KL8NMQB/rodriguesA85A7168.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Maria Helena Rodrigues, nursing assistant “It’s hard living among the dead on a daily basis.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599747919157-LMONS0EO6UIY51H2VHFF/altunA85A6234.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Haydar Altun, porter “I’m so happy to be here, even with Covid-19 about. I get true energy and happiness from my work, which I transfer to my family when I go home.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599748986152-LI8IZUE9SVC5WQ2R8323/cattariaA85A6803.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Simone Cattarin, charge nurse “In the beginning, it was hard. We were watching Italy – where I’m from – and knew what came next. But we could prepare. We worked through history and it changed our lives.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599749082945-RSUYK96JEHSEO9FFLJNC/susinskierieA85A6463.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Eligiji Susinskierie, patient support assistant “I saw people dying almost every day. It has changed me. I am stronger, I am no longer scared of Covid-19.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599749150452-JS5G9S29UGWXZ9MGGY5S/tanimuA85A5978.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Sonia Tanimu, caterer “It’s important for everyone to do their job.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1599745252476-560H7P55I2AKVODYIXCC/obuekweA85A6041.jpg "I recognise your eyes". - Peace Obuekwe, staff nurse “When Covid-19 hit it awoke our compassion. We had become a bit desensitised.” https://www.tompilston.com/i-cry-on-the-way-home daily 0.75 2021-02-11 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1613059317498-5PFEJ3K9653NF80Z0UHN/A85A6817pilston.jpg "I cry on the way home." https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1613059317498-5PFEJ3K9653NF80Z0UHN/A85A6817pilston.jpg "I cry on the way home." https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1613059361551-X243GC013FAZ1VBIXLCM/A85A6834pilston.jpg "I cry on the way home." https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1613059480146-KTO7N0X9UD4LDL2V6PFZ/A85A6895pilston.jpg "I cry on the way home." https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1613059634298-5TKYJWQECUCDZ7B52WKF/A85A6896pilston.jpg "I cry on the way home." https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1613059718115-WMS878A393PFIJJBY5A0/A85A6907pilston.jpg "I cry on the way home." https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1613059933861-ZSU5Y8YHGVVZRIS0ZTGL/A85A6923pilston.jpg "I cry on the way home." https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1613059411649-Q7N6YA69G8SU24TZ8H7P/A85A6875pilston.jpg "I cry on the way home." https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1613059991022-W3NQ32EOKZ3KKS3M6ZWV/A85A6966pilston.jpg "I cry on the way home." https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1613060045939-LZ9HZNXGNFXJSPMM51H2/A85A7052pilston.jpg "I cry on the way home." https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1613060097542-TARI5HS24027UGEIYIMI/A85A6975pilston.jpg "I cry on the way home." https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1613060195839-8SVHB0PRC6QE1HFAR001/A85A7105pilston.jpg "I cry on the way home." 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https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1613060630080-PY9EI7E3DYL1QS8CPS5A/A85A7439pilston.jpg "I cry on the way home." https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1613060780366-ZCW34L2M86DMHF5GEZBU/A85A7503pilston.jpg "I cry on the way home." https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1613060142889-4OAVMBLY346PNRXR84HX/A85A7092pilston.jpg "I cry on the way home." https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1613060831249-EJYAIV25AHLYX78OPSHI/A85A7510pilston.jpg "I cry on the way home." https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1613060961717-W4R0UAEGKEUT3QWITDNK/A85A7617pilston.jpg "I cry on the way home." https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5b76c7fb3c3a5317b3da84f7/1613060885945-BIKKAQB2E3RAUQ2UCWTN/A85A7512pilston.jpg "I cry on the way home." 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